How to get a free umbrella:
- Wait until it is pouring rain.
- Go out in the pouring rain.
- Go into store soaking wet and be really nice to the security guard.
- Stop and sigh before going back out into the rain.
- Let the security guard give you an umbrella. Trust me, he will.
How to get free sunscreen:
- Get the worst sunburn ever.
- Post picture on Facebook. Not Instagram. Facebook. You need all your distant relatives to see.
- Wait. Sunscreen should be arriving shortly in the mail. Hopefully, they still have your address from when you sent your graduation announcements.
How to get free smiles
- Smile. Stop complaining. You don’t hate Mondays, you just hate your job.